First post!

Wow ok where to begin? OK! Well Daniel and I met online in April of 2008. About May first he asked me for my number and gave me his. We talked for about 2 weeks constantly. I liked him a lot and before I would pursue a relationship I asked my Mom how she would feel about me moving to Arkansas. She told me it is my decision. She only wants me to be happy. On May 10th he asked me to be his girlfriend, I was so excited cause I was already in love with him lol. I would picture us getting married and having babies and being so happy. We would talk constantly but my house phone I was talking on hindered that cause it kept dyeing lol so Daniel bought me a cell phone. After that we talked from the time we woke up til we went to bed at night. Everyone said we would get tired of talking to each other and run out of things to say but we never did. I fell more in love with him as time went on. He is different then any other man I have ever met. He is sweet and sensitive. He feels everything deeply and sometimes has a difficult time expressing his feelings. His goal in life was to make me happy and I have never known that before him. I had been hurt a lot in my life and normally I have a VERY tough time trusting anyone. He won my trust over easily and has made it his goal to never loose it. August of that year I flew here to Arkansas to visit him for his birthday. That was the best time I have ever had and it tore me apart to leave. We sped up my moving here and getting married cause we couldn't take being apart. September 4th I moved here. Time sped on and October 25th we got married! I was so darn happy and NERVOUS! I have never been the center of attention and I usually strive to stay out of it! Then there was nothing I could do cause the bride is ALWAYS the center. I made it past that day lol. I so could not wait to get out of that dress. It was SO uncomfortable!

We started trying for a baby as soon as I moved here. We finally got pregnant in February. I was over the moon to be a Mommy. I would picture my life with a baby and started making plans. I couldn’t believe that I was actually going to be a mommy. It worried me that I never seemed to have many symptoms but I figured that some women just don’t have them and I moved along in my pregnancy. At 6 weeks I started spotting, and it was light to medium pink not red like everyone says to watch out for. I was assured by my doctor that it was normal because it wasn’t red and I wasn’t cramping. The spotting stopped and I went on thinking everything was normal. I was making plans for the baby and my Mom was buying stuff for him (I felt strongly that it was going to be a boy). Everything was great. I was still worried about the lack of symptoms. Everyone kept saying that some women just don’t get morning sickness and all that so I was trying to be positive.

Then at 11 weeks I started spotting again. The first couple of days it was light to medium pink with no cramping again. I was told I could be one of those women who have a period while pregnant. I was getting more worried as time went on because it kept getting darker but still no cramping. Then one morning I checked and my underwear was soaked in red blood. I was terrified but I was still NOT cramping. My husband Daniel took off from work and took me to the emergency room. I was brought to the back rather quickly. They took urine and blood and did a vaginal ultrasound. That is when I saw the baby. He measured 6 weeks 4 days and had no heartbeat. He died around the time I was spotting before. It felt like someone drove a knife into my chest. I couldn’t breath, and I couldn’t speak, and I couldn’t feel anything. I just started crying and Daniel held me and tried to comfort me even though he was hurting too. It felt like I was dyeing but I wasn’t. I know I’m not making any sense but that is how I felt.

The doctor tried to be optimistic by saying maybe my dates were off and I was only 6 weeks. He has seen weirder stuff happen, but I knew when I got pregnant. I knew how far along I was, and 6 weeks wasn’t it. The day after I started bleeding heavily and continued bleeding for 3 more weeks before everything was purged and the bleeding stopped. I still spotted for about another month though.